I started to write a complaint about how annoyed I am that after paying my bills I have to figure out how to stretch $89 on fuel and food for a week, but then stopped and deleted it all.. Complaining about it isnt going to change a thing.

Tonight we got free tickets to go see the Ontario Reign play the Utah Grizzleys in ice hockey.. I have never been to ANY sort of ice hockey game, so I’m hoping it will be fun. Our boss is taking us as he got tickets from a customer. I am secretly hoping he will pay for food and drinks because I dont have the funds to do so. haha One can hope cant they? He is driving so that’s nice, especially since gas is crazy expensive right now. I was tempted to ask if we could dodge out of the event but I dont want to have to say why, so I’m just going to go and have a fun time and not worry about anything. Worrying wont change things either and if it comes down to us NEEDING something, I have money in savings.. I’m just coveting it. Maybe that is my problem?

Im glad this week is OVER!!

I am hoping to be able to just chill at home in my pj’s, maybe work on a project I have been thinking about using that giant lightbulb from the office. Maybe clean up my flower planter in front of the house.. Definitely do laundry, oh my gosh.. A Chill weekend. I could use one. Hope yours is a blessed one.

All I want to do today is leap back into bed, pull the covers over my head and go back to sleep. In reality it would be more like, leap back into bed lift the covers up so Martini can crawl under them next to me and cover her up and go back to sleep. She’s so attached to my hip sometimes, especially days like today, it’s almost irritating. It’s not her fault though so I dont take it out on her too much. She really is a good little dog.

Yesterday the kids joined the family and cremated my daughters fiances mother. Her fiance said that it was “fine” that they gave his father a little mini urn to take home and the oldest son took home the larger urn. They have a few cats at the parents house and were concerned about them knocking over or getting into the ashes. The cats were a huge part of the problem and she was very sick before she had the heart attack. The brothers were fighting about the ammonia smell in the house caused by the cats that actually belong to a brother who moved out months prior. Luckily it hasnt caused bitterness between the brothers but at the same time, the cats are STILL there.. grrr

Daughter got her wedding band, fiance is suppose to be looking for his, I need to make calls this weekend and set up catering and chairs/tables and tents. Mr Shann got hired on out at the marine base for a permanent position and his car finally passed smog after months of a mechanic sitting on it not taking care of it.. That is another story that I cant get in to as the bossman is about to come invade my space haha

Hope everyone is good.

I really am ok.. just having a rough time in my mind. This too shall pass

Not feelin’ it this week due to the unexpected loss of my future son in laws sweet mother on Monday, I ended up somehow making my best looking cake to date…

believe it or not it is for a surprise party for a woman at church and not a child. I’d hoped it was too “babyish” and thought about doing zebra stripes on the bottom layer but that isnt what they asked for, so I refrained. I did however, add a special touch to it in the end specifically for her…

I think it came out quite adorable and usually I am very hard on myself… maybe I can ONLY make these from now on hahah I am meeting up with her hubby at lunch to come get the cake. He saw the top picture on facebook but this completed one I blocked him from seeing.. I like them to be surprised a little..

Glad it’s Friday… I plan on doing NOTHING this weekend and I’m very much looking forward to it. Last weekend we were SO busy with church events and wedding dress shopping (we did find a dress, yay) and then with the passing of fiances mother we’re all just so emotionally drained I just want to sit in silence. We were on our way to take “Save the Date” photos when she was rushed to the hospital on Monday but it’s too soon for me to ask if he’d like to do that yet, so I’ll just lay low instead.

Mr Shann will be moving his daughter out of the house she moved in to when she left ours. She is returning back to the ghetto that we rescued her from at the age of 10, go figure. She’s been burning bridges all over the place and just hasnt learned that it’s not her way or the highway.. and by highway I mean SHE usually is the one who hits the road. Eventually she’s going to realize there isnt anywhere else for her to land and my hope is then she will be humbled and change her nasty attitue. Guess we’ll see.. .

I have had this Justin Bua”The Dj” painting hanging in my room for a couple of years and have recently had these ideas on how to make it pop in our bedroom…

This is what I came up with…

Happy Presidents Day!!! lol

Finding a light bulb bigger than your own head….

The weather in California has been beautiful all winter long.. and by beautiful I mean 70-80 degree days, sunshine and cool breezes. The guessers have predicted rain several times and nothing of the sort ever happens, it’s really pathetic. I was shocked to see my annual tulips peeking out of the dry desert ground already and wondered how they’d even survived the dry weather to come another year. I dont know that we’ll have blooms so I’m happy to see SNOW of all things, falling from the sky. Even my little dog is sitting at the window in awe of the things falling from the skies.

 (picture of doggie here but xanga sucks….still)

I’ve been sitting here, staring out the window most of the day watching the clouds blow in, then completely covering the desert, blocking out the sun. It got super dark and then the hail began to fall, and it fell good!! It wasnt before too long that the snow formed and by early this afternoon it was coming down  good. Everyone gets So excited when it snows too, like a bunch of foreigners who go to Disneyland for the first time.. It’s the funniest thing!! I wish people on the East Coast could see my Facebook page and all the posts from the locals about “It’s snowing” and how excited they are. It never even stuck. This was the scene at my house once it stopped.

That isnt even considered a dusting everywhere else but that happens here and it’s like Christmas morning all over again. Then come the rumors of how it’s “suppose to snow all night” and then the kids get alllll excited about the possibility of staying home tomorrow and the levels in the house go up until the news comes on and the moment the guessers start to talk about the forecast. All this excitement over “snow”..

I love it.

The Way of Love

 ¹ If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. ² And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. ³ If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

 ⁴ Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant ⁵ or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful ⁶ it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.

 ⁸ Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰ but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. ¹¹ When I was a child, I spoke like a child; I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. ¹² For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.  ¹³ So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

I have been putting off watching the Part 4 sermon from the “Real Marriage” series as it is adequately named ” The Respectful Wife”…   I knew getting involved with this series with my husband was going to require us both to put down our guards and approach it completely humble. That we were going to find a TON of sin in our marriage and things that we both needed to deal with. I know that he hasnt put me first after God and in return, I have responded with blatant disrespect. I had NO idea that I was basically throwing myself to the lions when I watched the sermon last night. Luckily I had a stuffy/runny nose due to a sinus infection, so I was able to sniff and slurp my tears as I was being broken from the inside out without him really knowing.

Pastor Mark Driscoll is a very blunt theologian and I have a lot of respect for him. His wife Grace wrote this particular chapter in their book “Real Marriage-The truth about friendship, sex and life together” which we have been following the sermons and actually attended a 2 day conference based on the book (that we havent read yet). She pretty much described me to the T in regards to my disrespect toward my husband, my flirtation with other men, my coveting, my loud and obnoxious way of trying to be right by being loud, it was sickening. It wasnt sickening because they said it, it was sickening because who they were describing was a mirrored image of myself. I felt like SHIT after it was over and wanted to grab Mr Shann and hug him and tell him how sorry I was for being such a horrible wife to him. That was until he started snoring and I realized he wasnt even awake to hear the things they were saying about ME.

Instead of getting mad at him, I decided to take the time to write him an email letting him know how terribly sorry I was. To ask him to forgive me for being such a terrible, disrespectful wife.. for being a flirt with other men, for having a wandering eye, for coveting, for my unfaithfulness and telling him that I wanted to repent of all those things NOT because I know that my disrespectfulness was brought on by his lack of loving me(because lets be honest. Him putting his daughter before me all these years made me bitter, jaded and build up such disrespect for him it is NOT even funny.. but we are learning), but because I only have one person that I have to answer to and that is God. That I needed to repent of those things to God as well, and ask the Lord to forgive me, thanking Him for bringing me to this place of repentance now so that I can learn how to change my thoughts and attitude toward the man He blessed me with, no matter WHAT Mr Shann does.

He hasnt read it yet.

He said he didnt have time this morning so I figure he will see it on his lunch hour from his Nook. I am not afraid of what his response will be. I think that he might fall on the floor in shock to hear me admit the things I have. I wish that he would undertand that had he first loved me, I would have been less likely to build up such resentment. But even if he doesnt just by reading my email I am sure there will be conversations to follow where we will be able to get it all out on the table. I told him that I couldnt have thought of a better day than Valentines Day to lay down my pride and profess my love and admiration and my willingness to change my heart and mind to be edifying Christ and less about myself. I hope that it is received as a love note and not a “you did what”?!?!?!? haha

Next week the sermon is “Taking out the Trash”… I have a lot of trash that needs taken out. Please pray with me that Mr Shann will also come to see the trash he has to take out once and for all, so that we might be the “one flesh” God intended us to be in our marriage without the wedge of children and sin between us.

Happy Valentines Day.

Here is the LINK to the sermon in case you were curious as to what he could have possibly said.

Leaving the past where it belongs…. behind me.