August 15, 2012
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FML
My daughter is getting married in 10 days from tomorrow and my life just keeps getting more and more complicated. I’m sure it just FEELS that way, but I am seriously at a loss right now.The events of this evening I am still trying to wrap my head around, and I just cant seem to do it.
I feel so betrayed.
I feel like they had this shit planned all along and I suspected it, but swore it wouldnt happen and yet it is. There is nothing I feel I can do about it except cry. Cry and ask God why. Why would you allow me to be in this shituation again? Wasnt 10 years of dealing with that terrible child of his long enough? Wasnt my being put second next to her for a decade long enough? What am I doing to deserve such treatment?I mean, you died for my sins, why must I continue to be punished?
I cant live like this. I dont want to. It isnt fair!!
I dont know how I am going to handle this. I am sober now so it hurts more. I cant control my feelings because I have nothing to numb the pain, I just have to deal with it. Deal with being the submissive wife, honoring my husband by letting his homeless asshole daughter move back into our house after she disrespected me from the day I met her 11 years ago until the day she left at 18 because she didnt want to obey our rules and be respectful and now she has burned every damn bridge she has crossed in the last year, has no where else to go but here and hasnt changed a bit, and I have to just accept it.
Im exhausted.
I have nothing left of myself. I am burning my wick at both ends. Between paying for this entire wedding myself, doing all the work, not getting a lick of help from her “dad” and getting nothing but b.s from him, then them buying a house that escrow JUST closed tonight, they get their keys on Thursday and the house has to be deep cleaned, moved in to, the wedding to finish everything, clothes to get for the guys, bachelorette party, I mean the list goes on and on and on and what does he do? Drops the “my daughter said she is ready to change her ways, obey our rules and move in”..
NOW?
When I just told you yesterday, “If one more person asks something more of me, I am going to lose it”.. and HE is that person.
I just wish I could stop crying.
Comments (14)
hugs. at least your son is awesome?
@JoeytheGenie - My son IS awesome!!!!
@forever_musing - thanks. At least my daughter just has to deal with her for a few days until she gets married, moves out and leaves me there to fend for myself.
**hugs** I wish there was something I could do for you. No one deserves this shit.
I really, really wish I could help.
@Richgem - thats sweet of you. I really dont understand why God is allowing this to happen. I am already in an unstable place so I cant see this being “of the Lord at all” in a way. It is bizarre. Guess I just have to wait and see what happens. thank you for your prayers and thoughts.
all of you
<3 I don’t understand it either. Anything awful that He allows is just hard to “get”, but I know He just does what he does and we get to choose to either trust and love him still, or well, let’s not go there. I’m choosing to trust in my situation. I do care, and I know that’s weird since we’ve not met yet, but God puts you on my thinking heart all the time. Keep gripping on to him.
@Richgem - I am going to try. Im really angry right now but I dont want to mess up. I’ve been sober for about a year now. Im thinking that might have something to do with it. coming up on a year is huge. Why not have an attack of will ya no? It should be okay…. <3
You’re justified in your anger. SO justified, but oy, don’t let me feed into it! You’re right; coming up on a year sober is huge. I remember when you said you were quitting that stuff. I prayed for you then! An “attack” of will, yeah it looks like that. I had my own attack yesterday and it upset me deeply. But, I’m pulling my head above the water because like you, I don’t want to mess up. Messing up isn’t an option. You’ll get through this. I know you will. Think Victory.
@Richgem - love ya sister.
I’m so sorry, Shannon. You have accomplished so much. You can be proud of your 1 year anniversary of sobriety and with all you have done to make your lives better. I’m sure you have talked to him about his daughter’s behavior. What is it going to take for him to say No to her?. I suggest you put locks on your bedroom door and keep all your treasures under lock and key. And…since you work so hard on your baking skills…maybe you should start making a nest egg of money for yourself for the future. It sure doesn’t seem fair at all.
I know you will get through this….
*hugs* Someone needs to give you a break!